


I was something great.

by cyanidas



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: (feel free to not read that part), Angst, Brain Damage, Gen, Memory Loss, Mentions of Cancer, warning: venting in the bottom notes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 02:43:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16031333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cyanidas/pseuds/cyanidas
Summary: Edward contemplating his memory the morning after learning he has a brain tumor. Vent fic.





	I was something great.

Just by looking, he can tell you the answer to any puzzle. Just by glancing over the world's biggest riddles, he's able to tell you their authors of origin. Some problems, he can even think of handfuls of more solutions than what was originally found or intended. He is a brilliant man - the self-proclaimed smartest person in Gotham, and among the best geniuses in the world.

He tapped the surface of one of his puzzle boxes. It's simple enough.   
Slide up, twist, slide down, twist, turn counter-clockwise, flip, spin, open. He does it with ease and sighs in relief to himself before putting it back down.

He is the smartest man in all of Gotham. People respect and fear his wit and intelligence. He has genius-level IQ scores and builds escape rooms for fun. Puzzles have always been a hobby of his, and he almost has no greater passion in life than creating and dismantling puzzles and riddles. This is who he is, by nature.

He grabbed ahold of his favorite Rubix cube. That's an easy one, too. He caressed its chipping surface almost lovingly, before solving it in 5 seconds.   
...What? 5 seconds? No, no. Surely he must've been distracted.   
He tried again, now timed by a device. 4.3 seconds. His breath hitches and holds still. He puts the Rubix cube down.

This is the smartest man alive - Gotham's own genius, matched only in problem-solving wit by The Batman, of all people. Not even Artificial Intelligence programs can top his personal best, and he's even faced them in person. Chess, checkers, carnie games, arcade games, magic tricks - anything that might confuse, he can understand in mere seconds. It's his identity.

He holds before himself a detangling puzzle - one of the greatest of all time.   
Anyone can solve these things, if they know the answers, and he know all of them. He's sure of it. He's certain - no he is! He IS certain that he knows the answers!  
He performs the first and basic one easily. He performs the next two just fine. He performs three more. Two more. Another, and another, and another, and...

Wait a minute.... No... Something is off.   
No, he's...he's sure he's already completed this method...! He can't be-! 

...Distractions...yes, yes yes, he MUST be distracted! He's sure of it, he's confident he MUST be!  
Struggling to keep his breath under control, he puts the tangle puzzle down.

Gotham's genius. The smartest man alive. He holds onto that every day. Everyone knows his presence because of it. They know his voice, his talent, his work. They know who he is, and he IS the smartest man in Gotham! Puzzles and riddles are no challenge to him. Queries and conundrums, philosophy and literature, chemistry and math, even history and art for Christ's sake-!

 

He clenches his jaw, eyes squeezed shut. He attempts to calm himself.

 

He is the smartest man alive. A prodigy. One of a kind among his peers, among the world.

He grabs ahold of his crosswords.   
Yes. Something relaxing to take his mind off of this - and he gets through each one easily.   
Happily, he begins to fill in the final squares, but freezes.

He's a letter off.

No....no he can't be! He can't be a letter off!   
He checks the clue, writes out solutions, and checks the boxes.   
He counts them, recounts them, recounts them, again, again, again, AGAIN!

NO! Th-This can't be true!   
Its creators! Surely they've failed this puzzle! It must be defected in some way! It HAS to be!!   
YES. That's it! The manufacturers, THEY have failed! No, this is NOT an issue with him - he's brilliant! He's a genius!   
He NEVER fails, not once, not ever and never will - and he'll never EVER even consider it as a possibility! never, never, NEVER-!

He's standing far from his book now.  
...but when did he walk over here?! 

He yelps and stumbles backward, nearly tripping onto the floor.   
He panicks now- No. Not panic. He's not panicking, he never panics. He merely feels anxious.

Every problem is solvable. This is only a minor setback. He can handle this. He's handled worse!   
He carefully attempts to regain composure and walks over to his chair again.

He is the most brilliant human being alive. He lives in Gotham. His name is Edward Nasht- ...no...  
No no, his name is Edward...Nygma... He's changed his name. He changed his name back in 1991....or...no....was it 2001...?

....He doesn't remember.

He doesn't remember, he doesn't remember, HE DOESN'T REMEMBER!? 

How has he forgotten?! How, above all things - he's forgotten when he's changed his name!   
To forget his own self, letalone forget anything at all, that...! That's terrifying...

He can't lose this...   
He can't lose his brain to this...!

Edward has always aimed for perfection in anything and everything he's ever attempted - he's always done just as he was asked to, father-!   
He bites his tongue. hard.

He...he's always done his best...to BE the best...not for anyone but himself... his own satisfaction. Not his father's.

No one could ever take that from him.

 

...Except this tumor growing in his brain.

 

His name is Edward Nygma.

He's the smartest person in Gotham, maybe even the world.

He sits in his room, eyes focused on blurry tear-stained puzzles... some of his favorites...and he can't remember the final solutions to any of them anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> (small personal vent below)
> 
>  
> 
> I wrote this to kinda combat some personal suspicions. In some ways, I can kinda identify with Edward.  
> I've been steadily losing memory these past few years, and it's terrifying. I hope that my suspicion turns out to not be true.
> 
> I also hope you've enjoyed this fic. It took a lot out of me to write, but I feel better after doing it.  
> Thank you for reading, if you did.


End file.
